“The monkey’s paw is gripped tightly in your hands, a mangy curio purchased on your recent travel abroad. The wizened fakir that sold it to you promised it could fulfill any wish, an absurd statement but here in the stillness of your room curiosity has sunk its claws deep into you and a whispered plea escapes your lips: ;I wish for an album that can recapture the sound of early Machine Head.'” If wishes were Machine Heads, Rob Flynn would abide.
“Though Dimmu Borgir and Cradle of Filth continue to deliver some decent material, I struggle to find that initial pleasure I once felt with releases like Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, Spiritual Black Dimensions, Dusk and Her Embrace, and Cruelty and the Beast. And, for the most part, I had a falling out with both bands. But, I recently discovered a musical venture of Dani Filth’s I had no idea existed—one that I am rather enjoying.” If you can’t have the King, at least you can wallow in Filth.
“It was noted in the comments that there’s been a lot of negativity around here lately. That’s not false: 2016 has suffered the runs worse than a 3rd grade recorder recital that accidentally hit the brown note. Whether that’s due to an outflow of compelling material, the recent infestation of scrubs (That’s Dr. Scrvb to you), or just something in the water at AMG Inc., the readership can only take so much aspersion. I swore I wouldn’t embrace the misery. If Re-Armed could generate a lick of positivity from their hyphenated frames, I was going to find it.” In every cloud there’s a silver lemming.
“Jinjer play a combination of groove metal, metalcore, and nu metal. Vocalist Tatiana Shmailyuk does some screams, growls, aggressive spoken-word poetry, and clean vocals over top of it. If Issues didn’t try to be the combination of metalcore, Flo-Rida, and R Kelly that they are and instead were just another metalcore band, they’d probably sound like Jinjer.” Is nu metal still new?
“Here at AMG, one of my biggest challenges (besides suppressing my gag reflex when cleaning out the office refrigerator) is trying to keep my reviews to a tidy length. Between describing a band’s sound and influences, elaborating on the various songs, bitching about the production, and writing shitty and superfluous opening paragraphs, it can be hard to squeeze all my thoughts into only 700 or so words. Fortunately Aktaion’s sophomore outing The Parade of Nature is the rare record which can be accurately described in a single term: Gojira-core.” That’s better than gorilla-core at least.
“C.B. Murdoc’s claim to fame, as anyone who has heard of them will tell you, is that Tomas Haake called them cool once. And they’re cool in a groovy, idiosyncratic way, as telegraphed by their grungy ’50s bop album artwork both here and on their Spinefarm-released debut, The Green. But cool doesn’t get you very far with a guy who cares not for Deafheaven and ignored the mirrored-aviators-wearing shenanigans of the last Shining album. Kronos may not be cool, but he is more brutal than you.” Brutal is as brutal does.
“Reign of the Unblinking Eye, the debut full-length from British groovers The Bendal Interlude, couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. Between the stress of watching (and partaking in) the complete clusterfuck that is the American Presidential election where, as a general whole, the candidates proceed to make asses out of themselves.” Everybody sucks 2016.
“It’s been a while since I’ve reached into the Grymm Grab Bag™ to review my next band, and this review doesn’t change that. Y’see, sometimes, like with Tom of… err, TOMB of Finland, the name alone just screams to be reviewed. This case, though, it was AMG himself saying, “Hey, Mr. Dan Swanö produced this.” Dan is a very talented mult-instrumentalist, a gifted songwriter, and the producer of some of my favorite records. So, I like Dan. And Dan produced Malevolence, the second album by German death metal machine, Rogash. When the Boss asks you to check something out, then damnit, you listen!” Grymm is working for the Man.
“If anything can be said about HateSphere, it’s that they know how to please their fans. Though many of us crave a bit more diversity across a fifteen-year career, the fact that HateSphere drops consistent album after consistent album every couple years is enough to please (almost) anyone. HateSphere’s consistency is the result of founding guitarist Peter Hansen and his continued navigation along the course set by 2001’s self-titled debut.” And it’s always tough to know if consistency is a virtue or not.
“The most difficult part of this reviewing game are the albums so pedestrian, so utterly devoid of character that writing about them is nearly impossible. Upon listening to Buried in Violence, a black butt of despondency gathered over me, and my thesaurus quaked with excitement as I reached towards it, opened it, and leafed about in search of any possible way to express the album’s nature other than the one you’re about to read. Alas, Roget could see only so far into the future, and my search was fruitless.” Oh, now that’s a nail-biter!
