“Hello everyone! As I cannot pay the rent in the skulls of newbies, I work during the daytime for a traveling company. As such, I know that right after Christmas, people booking holidays surges. Now before you spend money on some dumbass idyllic location like the Canary Islands or Iceland, why not sweat it up with a bunch of strangers in black for a week on a field of grass in Slovenia? That’s right, bitches, it’s time for the first Angry Metal Days update!” Metal Avengers Assemble!
“As one begins to explore metal more and more deeply, one comes to the realization that there are certain ‘legendary’ albums that seem to be appreciated more for being innovative than actually being good. I would argue, for example, that Napalm Death’s Scum is a pretty mediocre album overall and was far surpassed by the material that followed it, even if it remains a critical piece of extreme metal’s history. This becomes a problem when bands create new releases similar in style to these ‘innovative but not very good’ albums, resulting in records that are neither innovative nor good. But maybe Stomachal Corrosion could escape this fate” Tummy trouble.
“I’ve been reviewing some long-ass albums lately. In the worship of Swallow the Sun’s Songs from the North I, II, & III, Bell Witch’s Mirror Reaper, or even Nightwish’s Endless Forms Most Beautiful, patient and epic songwriting takes precedence and the portrayal of endless and daunting landscapes in audio form rear their heads. It gets tiring. So I was like, “what the hell?” and went for grind. Shock Narcotic is a grind supergroup from Detroit, their debut album I Have Seen the Future And It Doesn’t Work released through Housecore Records.” Future shock.
“This time around we have long-time grindsters Phobia (est. 1990), hailing from the OC, and their newest release, Generation Coward. Thirty years is a long time to put noses to the grindstone. Let’s see if this latest LP (or EP, depending on where you get your info) shows that the hard work paid off.” Grind is for the brave.
“Grindcore is very much a niche genre in the realms of extreme metal. I was exposed to the classics to develop my appreciation and fondness for grind, and despite being jaded at times in the modern era, there’s certainly been no shortage of killer bands and great albums in the post-Nasum landscape. But there’s a particular album that tends not to gain the traction or appreciation it sorely deserves. Australia’s Captain Cleanoff boast a long history in the grind scene, yet there recorded works are relatively scant.” Fine grind.
“A wild Muppet appears! Maine is about as renowned for its black metal as it is for anything else that isn’t lobsters, blueberries, or Stephen King, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna trust my homelands trvest export alone with Arizonan Ne’er-do-well Grier; I’m worried that his review isn’t biased enough, yo. There’s also the tiniest, itsiest little bit ov a possibility that alcohol and boredom coaxed me into challenging the Assumed Non-doctrinaire to a medieval weapons duel for the reviewing rights.” Fight for the Falls.
“Back in March, I reviewed Ashen Horde’s latest opus of black metal fury, Fallen Cathedrals. I heaped an unhealthy amount of praise its way back then, and I’m still spinning it a ton now. In fact, I would be very surprised if it were to fall outside of my top 5 albums come year’s end. My review may have been riddled with factual errors, but founder, songwriter, instrumentalist, and clean vocalist Trevor Portz showed up in the comments and revealed himself to be a gracious and enormously cool guy. So, when the opportunity to do an interview presented itself, I couldn’t resist.” We’re already off to a better start than last time.
“Instead of focusing on a general trend of social injustice and political bullshittery that all too many grind bands pursue, Lifes are all about stumbling throughout the various lives in which we involve ourselves on a daily basis, failing at most of it, and doing whatever we can to keep our shit together. According to their bandcamp bio, “Music can’t save us, but it can help us cope.” I’ve heard music described this way countless times before, but for whatever reason in this instance it resonated.” Life is a grind.
“Drum patterns emphasize velocity, above which electric guitar promulgates a chaotic aesthetic — not infrequently utilizing dissonant scalar patterns — to complement, to the point of a studious avoidance of juxtaposition, the aesthetic of furious speed cultivated herein. A huge breakdown hits right after, rattling skulls and seething with adrenaline. Complexity is easy, simplicity is hard — just look at academic writing. The difference between these two sentences — the first overtly if not needlessly complex, the second easy to read and appealing to those who grew up enjoying the deathcore boom of the mid-to-late 2000s — is a good picture of my reaction to Applaud the Impaler’s new record Ov Apocalypse Incarnate.” Tip your impaler.
“Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if, after all these years ov atmoblack reviews, maybe you’d like to meet something different? After rolling in the deep end of our promo bin’s blackest, mopiest waters for so long, it felt appropriate to set fire to the reign ov black ‘n boo-hoo bands and send my love to a new genre.” Muppet grinder.
