“Near the end of Disney’s Ratatouille there’s a climactic scene during which the harsh, scrupulous restaurant critic Anton Ego (personality modelled, clearly, after AMG’s staff) savours the best ratatouille he’s ever had. Overwhelmed by the tastes and flavors that transport him back to his childhood, he’s left altogether dumbfounded with his usual negativity utterly dismantled. In a way, that’s the effect Amestigon’s Their had on me.” Did he just compare us all to a rat?
“Listening to Seagrave begets the age-old question: is it better to try something new and fall short, or rehash the same bullshit until we’re all shitting bowls of Iommi riffs and bleeding ‘retro-death metal’ CDs from every orifice?” If your orifices bleed retro-death for more than 4 hours, consult a physician.
“Bestowing their bonkers brand of crossover hard rock on the bewildered brains of the masses, Kontrust boldly bounces back with Explositive.” Happy Metal Guy is gone, but Kontrust remains….
“Hot off the heels of their (extremely) recent Ogień przebudzenia, Graveland are back to…. wait, what the fuck? The promotional copy title says Woodtemple? Austrian, not Polish? DRUHMMMM!!!” Steel Druhm cares not for Pagan black metal or the needs of his indentured reviewers.
“Hey look, everybody’s favorite necromantically inclined, goat bondage enthusiasts are back from the latex boutique to unleash another wave of blackened death on the tied and naked masses. Austria’s Belphegor are one of the leading voices in mega-extreme music and 2011s Blood Magick Necromance left quiet an impression on my steely cranium, ending up one of my best albums of the year. While these fetish freaks don’t do anything all that different from contemporaries like Behemoth, their simple, utterly savage blend of Morbid Angel pummeling and Marduk like blitzkrieging blackness really resonates with me in a way even the Polish Demigods do not.” Steel doesn’t always listen to blackened death, but when he does, he prefers Belphegor.
“When I reviewed Edenbridge’s Solitaire album a few years back, I suggested their sound was only metal if you use the most generous and inclusive definition of the word. Their (slightly) evolving approach makes them sound like Nightwish’s prettier, quieter sister and many of their songs are so light, ephemeral and gauzy, they seem more akin to New Age meditation soundscapes than anything heavy or hard. While that may seem like some kind of indictment on the pages of Angry Metal Guy Dot Com, I mean it in no such way. In fact, I’ve enjoyed almost all their output because they’re so good at crafting soothing, sugar-coated odes to tranquility and I’m utterly at a loss to resist the charms of Sabine Edelsbacher’s beautiful and enchanting voice.” Lush and gorgeous music is in short supply in metaldom. Does Edenbridge’s ambitious new opus help reduce the deficit or is it just so much empty fluffery?
“It was seven years ago that I purchased my very first CD as a teenager who knew nothing about music other than the fact I absolutely loved it and wanted to find something completely different and obscure. I opened up a metal magazine and was instantly pulled in by the mysterious description and album cover to Summoning’s Oath Bound. The nature-influenced album cover, the Austrian black metal description, all of it seemed incredibly alluring so I bought it blindly — my first ever musical purchase. Needless to say, Oath Bound arrived and floored me.” Noctus has a heartfelt history with this group of Tolkien-obsessed black metal maven, but does their new album live up to his lofty (and insanely fanboyish) expectations?
“Serenity have been releasing solid power metal albums for a while now, but so far they seem to be fairly underrated. I really enjoyed their older releases, especially Fallen Sanctuary (“The Heartblood Symphony” is a great fucking song). No small part of their appeal comes from the fact that singer Georg Neuhauser sounds a lot like Sonata Arctica’s Tony Kakko, but Serenity’s music is heavier and more ballsy than anything Sonata has attempted in ages. War of Ages sees the band right the flagship and find the proper balance between their increasing symphonic leanings and their prior metal edge. The result is a good approximation of what Kamelot would sound like if they replaced Roy Kahn with Mr. Kakko and continued on their merry, pirate-shirted way. ” Do you like Sonata Arctica? Do you like Kamelot? Well according to Steel Druhm, this is so deep in your wheelhouse, you’ll never get it out!
Happy Metal Guy waxes poetic about metal’s worst excesses and.. what? Likes them!? THAT’S IT! YOU’RE FUCKING FIRED!
Well, I’m not sure what I did to end up on the Angry Metal Guy’s Official Shit List. However, his assigning me both the new Lazarus A.D. and Artas albums proves I’m on it bigtime. I can just picture AMG up there on his throne all high and mighty, laughing as he contemptuously sneers, “let him eat metalcore.” Steel Druhm does not like being on the Shit List and Steel Druhm will have his wengeance! Anyway, Riotology is the second album by Austrian metalcore/quasi-thrash bandwagon jumpers Artas. Up until now their claim to fame was a wildly ill-conceived cover of Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” which ended up being funnier than Weird Al Yankovic’s “Amish Paradise.” Now, with Riotology they can truthfully claim recording two average metalcore albums. Hey, congrats guys! As soon as I saw the album cover which looks like a screen shot from the Assassin’s Creed video games I should have known where this was heading. The second clue I was in trouble was the band’s prominently displayed claim that they play “modern metal.” Apparently that’s record industry speak for tired metalcore by bands that yearn to be At the Gates and In Flames with poppier, radio-friendly choruses. Because I’m merciful, I will now implore you all to leave this review and save yourselves. I can’t go with you however, for I must write it.
