2.0

Tony Mills – Streets of Chance Review

Tony Mills – Streets of Chance Review

“Back in the ’80s, before a little thing called the World Wide Web came along, we got our metal news from magazines like Circus and Hit Parader. In a pathetic attempt to be hip and now amongst my fellow teenage metalhead pals, I was always on the lookout for any obscure band that got a decent review in those rags. One such band in 1985 was a British act called Shy. I’ll be honest: Brave the Storm was probably the worst album I bought based on these old reviews. The songs were bad, it was dated and sounded old a week after I bought it, and the vocals — by one Tony Mills — were screechingly awful.” 32 years will change a man.

Nervecell – Past, Present… Torture Review

Nervecell – Past, Present… Torture Review

“Why tech-death insists on being an exercise in as many bands as possible doing the exact same thing as each other, is something that baffles. On that note, and with Beuller-approved levels of irony, let’s talk about some dudes from Dubai and what they’ve done with the genre on their third full-length, Past, Present… Torture.” Dial N for Nile, oh, and Nervecell.

Thy Art Is Murder – Dear Desolation Review

Thy Art Is Murder – Dear Desolation Review

“Deathcore, in its peak popularity, was essentially the dubstep of metal. Structured around a massive breakdown in the same way dubstep is structured around its 808 drop, the prototypical deathcore song was a kinetic experience designed to ratchet up the tension until a cathartic release blasts forth. This compositional style is extremely limiting, which is why both sub-genres will (and arguably already are) seen as flashes in the pan.” Pan’s Labyrinth.

Ursinne – Swim With The Leviathan Review

Ursinne – Swim With The Leviathan Review

“Like the darkest of chocolate smothering the creamiest of peanut butter, pairing two of death metal’s enduring icons for a dream supergroup should be a match made in heaven. With a combined resumé that reads as venerable Who’s Who of classic death metal, the musicianship of Jonny Petterson (Wombbath, Pale King, Henry Kane, a slew of other bands) blended with the throat of Dave Ingram (Down Among The Dead Men, ex-Bolt Thrower, ex-Benediction, a slew of other bands) sounds like a perfect formula on screen and paper. Stockholm-steeped riffing topped by one of England’s most recognizable death metal vocalists? Sign me the fuck up, right?!” Undercover debacle.

Canyon of the Skull – The Desert Winter Review

Canyon of the Skull – The Desert Winter Review

“I might have a minor masochistic streak when it comes to reviews. Sure, much of my rapidly developing reputation for reviewing dreck (see: Akoma, Invidia, Insatia, Blind Seer) arose from sheer bad luck on blind promo selection. But why else would I stand up and say “I’ll take the ring to Mordor” when Steel mockingly requested volunteers to review a 37-minute, self-released(!), sophomore(!!), single-track(!!!), instrumental(!!!!) doom metal album?” Snakebit.

Bloodnut – St. Ranga Review

Bloodnut – St. Ranga Review

“As so many bands take themselves too seriously, it hurt a little more than usual to gingerly let B;ppdmit down and mark their score in the red. It must have put some fire in their gut, because the boys are back to bring peace and justice to Gingers, in less time than it takes Jari Mäenpää to make a sandwich.” Apes be escaping.

Shade Empire – Poetry of the Ill-minded Review

Shade Empire – Poetry of the Ill-minded Review

“From Judas’ selling out the Son of God for a mere 30 pieces of silver, to Julius Caesar meeting his sticky end at the hands of several disgruntled Roman senators, and his own nephew, Brutus. History is rife with tales of betrayal. The Finns are back in town and Poetry of the Ill-minded is set for release just next week. What connection can the esteemed Shade Empire possibly have with these horrific accounts of betrayal?” Music gets very personal.

Esoctrilihum – Mystic Echo from a Funeral Dimension Review

Esoctrilihum – Mystic Echo from a Funeral Dimension Review

“I, Voidhanger are very good at promoting their bands, very good at creating enticing mythos’, building intrigue, and drawing in a listener with vibrant art-work and concepts. Mystic Echo from a Funeral Dimension has been given this treatment and I, Voidhanger have drawn me in. The actual musical product, though, has to live up to these lofty heights. Is this 2017’s III by Spectral Lore or is this destined to float in the void of the forgotten?” Void loitering.