Nov16

Sirenia – Dim Days of Dolor Review

Sirenia – Dim Days of Dolor Review

Sirenia hasn’t been getting much love from AMG Industries of late, and perhaps rightly so. The bands 2015 release The Seventh Life Path was criticized harshly for both its cheesy, formulaic approach to symphonic metal and its abundance of beautiful women. The 2011 offering, The Enigma of Life, fared absolutely no better. While I will never be one to condemn the inclusion of sexy band photos (female or otherwise), I did find myself agreeing with the general sentiments; both albums were trite, shallow, and boring.” Sex sells, but who’s buying?

Ruinous – Graves of Ceaseless Death Review

Ruinous – Graves of Ceaseless Death Review

“With the relative ease in which bands are able to record and self-release, on top of the multitude of established artists and independent labels on the scene, I’m pretty much constantly playing catch up and trying to absorb as much quality metal as I can get my grubby hands on. All the while trying in vain to siphon out the bullshit that inevitably pops up in the endless flood of artists emerging.” That siphon’s not gonna clean itself.

Hammer King – King is Rising Review

Hammer King – King is Rising Review

“This is my twentieth review for AMG. In honor of such a fine achievement, the nobility at AMG World Headquarters have bestowed upon me a fine destrier, so I can prance through the office valiantly proclaiming my fealty. Well, not really, but I was given the newest output from power-metal wannabes Hammer King, King is Rising. Which, if played loud enough, is practically the same thing.” The Hammer King has a skull tank.

Shark Infested Daughters – These Tides, Our Tombs Review

Shark Infested Daughters – These Tides, Our Tombs Review

“It seems misogynistic violence is on trend in metalcore. Feed Her to the Sharks led the aquatic way with Zombies Ate My Girlfriend chomping in its wake, both exacting satisfying chugs and saccharine melodies unto the metal public in a reasonable throwback to the All That Remains– or Bullet For My Valentine-dominated scene from the mid-’00s. Now Shark Infested Daughters steps up to invoke unpleasant images of ravaged women with their debut, These Tides, Our Tombs.” Please don’t feed the freakin’ sharks!

Xoth – Invasion of the Tentacube Review

Xoth – Invasion of the Tentacube Review

“In the green-binary star system of Xoth, the deity Idh-yaa got all down and dirty with Cthulhu to create his slutty star-spawn. In a similar fashion, the band Xoth have got all down and dirty with all the blackened sub-genres of the metal-sphere, spawning a debut album that reaches far beyond the stars.” Star Lust, that fabulous STAR Lust….

Old Chapel – Visions From Beyond Review

Old Chapel – Visions From Beyond Review

“Personally speaking, it’s been a tough few months at Castle Beuller. But, man is not made for defeat and when looking for a little slice of escapism, I often find myself turning to the loving embrace of some old-school death metal. It’s not progressive — it’s downright sticks and stones. But, if it can deliver the tone and supply the riffs, then sometimes I find myself transported back to those days when first discovering this music.” Drowning in the muck of olde.

Starkill – Shadow Sleep Review

Starkill – Shadow Sleep Review

“Commercialized metal is one of the strangest and most unnatural phenomena our beloved genre has gone through. I’m not talking about metal that happened to get mainstream recognition, by the way. Even Metallica, with the most lucrative metal act in history, started off as a thrash metal band like any other and only gained widespread fame after 5 albums. I’m talking about bands that seem to have been created or molded precisely to sell metal to the masses, like Amaranthe or Sonic Syndicate.” The vogue of metal.

Vader – The Empire Review

Vader – The Empire Review

“In an effort to avoid consistency devolving into redundancy, Vader have opted to galvanize The Empire with the ever-present thrash that propels their classic sound. The results are a lot of fun. I love Vader, so if you’re at all interested in following me awkwardly avoid blathering on about how great they are, and actually offer objectivity, then read on. Careful, don’t trip on the hyperbole.” Objectivity is for posers.

Hierophant – Mass Grave Review

Hierophant – Mass Grave Review

“when I receive a promo for a band (in this case, Italy’s Hierophant), and the one-sheet that accompanies their fourth album, Mass Graves, states rather emphatically, “No pink unicorns here,” and they still don’t supply us with a promo pic? Prepare for battle, son.” Doom death in the Age of Pink.