Nov23

Secret Rule – Uninverse Review

Secret Rule – Uninverse Review

By GardensTale on February 6, 2024 in Reviews, Power Metal, Symphonic Metal, 42 comments

“Well folks, it’s been a good run. This is without a doubt the longest I have gone without landing myself an awful corset-core album. I cherry-picked from the promo bin a little more, I got lucky with a few random rolls. But the dice always turn against you sometime, as any D&D player will attest. I knew I was in trouble when I saw the genre and the worst band name since Significant Point. Then I saw the cover and my fears were confirmed because LOOK AT IT! Gaze upon this absolute debacle and weep for laughter.” Fear and secret rulers.

Neurectomy – Overwrought Review

Neurectomy – Overwrought Review

By Felagund on February 4, 2024 in Reviews, Technical Death Metal, 53 comments

“I just couldn’t turn down an album by a band called Neurectomy. I’ve heard of a lot of medical procedures in my day, but I wasn’t as familiar with the process by which a nerve is severed or removed to reduce pain, never to grow back again. With a new “ectomy” added to my growing surgical lexicon, I was still apprehensive. But while tech death can certainly be hit or miss (with the misses often being tedious, forgettable affairs), I was far too interested in the band name and the album art to let something as silly as past experience impact my decision-making.” Nerves of steel.

Presenting Mrs. Ramsbottom’s Second Grade Class Christmas Recital, Starring Tarja, as Described by Liam Collins, Age Seven

Presenting Mrs. Ramsbottom’s Second Grade Class Christmas Recital, Starring Tarja, as Described by Liam Collins, Age Seven

By Cherd on December 18, 2023 in Reviews, Symphonic Metal, 120 comments

“Hi, I’m Liam. I’m backstage right now because we’re doing a Christmas recital tonight. Everyone in my class is in it except for the Horowitz twins. Ezra and Esther don’t have to for some reason. Our music teacher Mrs. Ramsbottom was supposed to be here too but one of her organs blew up and she had to go to the hospital. It’s called an appendix and I’ve got one inside me too but my Mom says mine is ok and probably won’t blow up. Mrs. Ramsbottom was going to play the piano and we were going to sing but when she got sick we got a substitute teacher. Her name is Miss Tarja.” A night at the school opera.

Tariot – Drag Me to Hell Review

Tariot – Drag Me to Hell Review

By Dear Hollow on December 14, 2023 in Reviews, Electronic, Metalcore, Nu Metal, Post-Hardcore, 35 comments

“Look, I’m one of like three metalcore apologists at Angry Metal Guy HQ, and I’ve had it up to here. No more sticky noted car, printer wrapped in festive holiday paper, or the squirting flower trick, okay guys? Plus the rubber rat with “BREAKDOWNS” scrawled with Sharpie was going too far. I already get my seven daily lashes from the Most Holy Gorilla when the punishment of metalcore promos seemed insufficient. As we approach the holidays, the last thing I want to do at the office Christmas party is to open my bonus addressed to “sellout.” Don’t even fucking think about it. And Jesus, Tariot sure ain’t helping my reputation.” Apologists and collaborators up against the wall.

Leonov – Procession Review

Leonov – Procession Review

By Twelve on December 13, 2023 in Reviews, Doom Metal, Post-Metal, 11 comments

“Leonov will always have a special place in my heart for being the recipients of the first review I ever wrote for this site (Wake, their sophomore release, and one I still return to on occasion). In the five years since that fateful October day, it’s been a fascinating exercise to see how my writing has progressed over the years, and indeed to compare my life then to my life now. I suspect the members of Leonov feel the same way; five years is a long time.” Time, tides, Twelve.

Coven Japan – Earthlings Review

Coven Japan – Earthlings Review

By Dolphin Whisperer on December 11, 2023 in Reviews, Heavy Metal, 13 comments

“The past still lives around us—a phone booth dilapidated with its tethered telecommunications device extracted, an eerie, abandoned Sears parking lot, Def Leppard jammin’ for the 6:00 pm crowd at the grocery store. Even for new members of the heavy metal clan, the sounds of royalty—Maiden, Priest, Saxon—often line the path to whatever extreme they may later fall into. It’s no surprise, then, to read that new Japanese export Coven Japan declares themselves as a young band influenced by 70s bands like Angel Witch and 80s bands like Satan” Past as prolog.

Helga – Wrapped in Mist Review

Helga – Wrapped in Mist Review

By Iceberg on December 5, 2023 in Reviews, Black Metal, Folk Metal, Post-Metal, 35 comments

“The term “shinrin-yoku,” or forest bathing, was coined in Japan in the early 1980s to describe a therapeutic practice both mental and physical. One can imagine this as a response to the relentless march of modern life that pulls our kind ever further from a connection to nature. Dissatisfied with this state of existence, Helga weaves forest-bathing deep into their debut album, Wrapped in Mist. Led by Helga Gabriel, this Swedish quintet looks to blend folk atmospheres, post-rock, and fleeting black metal into a potent and unique brand.” Thuggery and tree huggery.